Tobi, stop messing with space-time
by Lord of Forgetfulness
Summary: In which a brush, an inkpot and a paper were truly more powerful than a sharp blade and a fire in all situations, and a man with no real clue of what was he doing changed the fate of the multiverse forever. Or, an amusing way to discharge my frustrations about the hot mess that is the narutoverse timeline while I try to write another story. Crack, drabbles, dubious update times.
1. Chapter 1

"Wait, hold up." Said the younger brother, as he extended a hand towards his older brother to stop Hashirama's ranting. Wine red eyes met brown, and for a moment the cheery attitude of the first Hokage was gone. Then it came back, with a tone of cheekiness underneath.

"What, Tobi?" Hashirama started, "does it make you feel old, now, _granduncle_?"

"No. What I meant is that you're speaking rubbish." Blandly stated Tobirama, and proceeded to signal to his brother's wife, a very noticeable bulge in her midsection. "Just look at Mito. She's still pregnant with your _first_ child." And then signalled to the blonde toddler running around with a big wad of ryo. "that means that _she,_ cannot be your granddaughter."

Tobirama was suspicious of his older brother. To go as far as kidnap a child to make her treat him as a grandfather was a worrying sign of the first Hokage's mental health. Maybe all that paperwork got into his head or something.

Hashirama was just confused, but he still patted Tsunade's head when she came closer calling "Jiji, jiji". He was sure this kid was his granddaughter, but Tobi's observations always made his head hurt.

Mito was still blissfully unaware of this development as she was taking her midday nap.

There was a movement in the bushes nearby, from where a badly concealed Kakuzu mused in his head " _Is it now that's my turn?"_

Tobirama turned towards him and said, "Not yet, I've yet to kill Izuna" Looking back at his brother, then continued "Though Hashirama has already fought Madara in the Valley of the End… and I still ask what the reason was for that? Damn Uchihas."

Kakuzu shrugged. "I don't know man; my mission was just to kill the strongest man in the world, not to make sense of any of this."

 **A/N: So, yes, after some days of insanity and fun things while trying to make sense and order the timeline it occurred to me that I needed to vent some frustration about it and some funny scenarios popped on my head, and this one was plastered in a page of word to live for the rest of eternity on my hard drive, and now, on the mess that is the internet. It's non-edited, and probably never will. In the past I would never have posted this thing, but I can't really bring myself to care now.**


	2. Chapter 2

Tobirama was preparing for the travel to accompany his brother to the first ever Kage Summit; the international relations were getting more strained with each passing month since the foundation of the Hidden Villages, and the leaders of each major countries (as in, the _ninja_ leaders, not the nobility) were actually attempting to have a peaceful solution instead of starting slitting throats left and right immediately. Well, peaceful at least in shinobi standards.

Not that Tobirama was complaining, it was still an improvement from ten years ago – He understood that changes come slowly, a thing that his big brother still has trouble to wrap his head around… if Hashirama's constant whining was any indication.

For some reason, each Kage agreed to have only one bodyguard accompany them to the summit, and the younger Senju brother automatically assumed he was going to accompany the Hokage.

So, it was much to his surprise when he entered his brother's office that he found Uchiha Madara there, with his typical stern look, glaring upwards as if he was wishing the roof to blast into oblivion. The normal reaction the man had towards Hashirama's antics, really, so Tobirama didn't pay much attention to that.

Instead, he turned his eyes from the Uchiha to the Hokage, who had his 'I-just-said-something-stupid' goofy smile on his face. Tobirama was proud of himself able to recognize and categorize the different goofy looks his brother daily sported. Anyways, conveying in his gaze the question,

 _"What's the Uchiha doing here?"_

To which Hashirama lazily waved a hand at his younger brother and with a nonchalant tone he stated that it was Madara the one who would accompany him to the Summit.

Tobirama grunted in exasperation, and with a calculating look in his eye turned back to Madara,

"No, what I meant is what is _he,"_ here he gestured towards the Uchiha in the room "doing in the village in general"

Hashirama shot his brother a confused look, for the umpteenth time that week, and against all his instincts to preserve his mental health, asked Tobirama about what he meant.

Madara only said hn.

Tobirama looked at the Hokage, his eyes practically screaming _are you stupid?_ before stating

"Didn't you two fought to the death just the other day for some obscure reasons no one, not even yourselves knew what were?"

Hashirama sighed. There was going again, Tobi seemed to love making his head hurt.

Madara hn'd again.

After that, there was a rather lengthy discussion which everyone left without agreeing with each other, but for some reason it didn't come up again and Madara was the Hokage's guard to the meeting.

There was something nagging in Tobirama's head, but he couldn't point what was.

Well, he had better things to do, like trying to understand the sessions he had with Mito about fuuinjutsu; he found the art really interesting and full of possibilities.

"…And that's all I can say about sealing. Did you understand?" Said Mito

"Yes, I believe so" answered Tobirama, as he immediately grabbed a new paper to start a project. The new insights he gathered from the Uzumaki were most helpful, and he could now see where his last hundred attempts on doing anything with the art ended only in explosions, each more magnificent than the last.

Even though he was trying to do everything _but_ an explosion tag.

It only took him seventy-three strokes of ink to accidentally age half the Senju clan twenty years or more, including his niece.

Oops?


	3. Chapter 3

Sarutobi Hiruzen was shocked.

Ever since he became Hokage because that fateful mission where his sensei died, he made sure to visit Mito-sama and the rest of his predecessors' family regularly (at least in Hokage's standards which was, admittedly, not that often). The woman didn't hold anything against him, thankfully, because honestly it was enough with the guilt he himself put into his own shoulders.

And that's why he was completely flabbergasted when, one day when he went to the Senju compound, found the toddler Tsunade playing (read, gambling) with a very amused and very _alive_ Senju Hashirama.

 _It's a dream; it has to be a dream._ He repeated again and again inside his head, even while pinching himself constantly. He was tempted to grab a kunai and stab himself to wake up from the dream.

But what made his mind almost stop, was that in that instant he saw a very familiar shade of gray hair and red eyes. Somehow, Senju Tobirama was where he and his team once had been instructed when they were fresh genin, breathing, and was in his "teaching pose" as he had dubbed it all those years back.

But he also recognized something wrong, as there was a team of young ninja listening very attentively to what the man was saying.

The fact, Hiruzen was very familiar with that team. How could he not be? It was _his_ team, including himself, but years younger.

 _How is this possible,_ he thought as he nested his forehead on his palms, a massive headache forming.

It was then that he noticed a sealing set was left forgotten on his old teacher's porch.

He was aware of the infamous reputation his sensei had with fuuinjutsu, but this was ridiculous. Surely, this kind of thing was really impossible to have happened, right?

 _Right?_

So, without a second thought, he left in a hurry. The people still recognized him as their leader, and his face was still carved in the mountain.

He went for his personal library on the Administration Tower, and started comparing official registries with what he remembered and surely enough, he found things that he wasn't familiar with, and more importantly, the lack of certain events.

Like, for example, world-shaping ones. Nothing important, like, the Shinobi World War he had to end after his sensei was killed during negotiations.

He dropped the scroll and walked towards the seal-reinforced mirror of the library, from where he could see the faces carved into the rock.

An inscrutable look was plastered in his living face. Then, after an uncertain amount of time, he let out a long-suffering sigh.

 _Sensei, what did you do?_

He decided to go back towards the Senju compound (piling paperwork be damned) to make absolutely sure this wasn't an hallucination (he confirmed it wasn't a genjutsu after the third-hundred and fify-sixth time of saying Kai, one per second since he found himself in this situation).

But surely enough, as if mocking his sanity, the two of his old teachers were still there.

Tobirama, this time, noticed his presence and looked at him with a strange glance.

Hiruzen couldn't mutter a word. He was so confused.

When he finally found himself able to say something, he blurted before he could help it,

"Isn't it supposed that the two of you were dead?"

Confusion passed through red eyes, before comprehension quickly took over, and Tobirama snapped his head towards his brother.

"Hey, Hashirama, we were supposed to be dead, remember?"

And then the Senju brothers disappeared. Not as in a shunshin, nor any other high-speed technique (because Hiruzen would likely felt the chakra). No, they simply vanished.

He maintained his blank gaze forwards. A confused Tsunade started looking around exclaiming to her grandpa to pay up a bet.

His mind was halted to a single word, and nothing more.

 _What?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Or: why Kakashi had to do the chunin exam.**

* * *

After he had to take the mantle after his brother's unfortunate demise, Senju Tobirama thought of many extra defensive mechanisms to stuff his office with. He may be a very powerful (almost unparalleled) shinobi, but it still doesn't mean that he was immune to attacks when he has his guard lowered. Whenever that may happen.

So, his motto always has been "be prepared" and he took it to the next level. Both his office and his house were so full of seals that quite literally he couldn't find any more space to place one more, without compromising some of the other matrixes.

Some were in very prototype-stages, but he had considered well enough.

Soundproofing, material-strengthening, barriers upon barriers, some space-time seals that only he knew what were supposed to do, amongst other things.

To be honest, he was a little tired. He had been working on this for the last eighty three hours nonstop, so he thought it was a good enough excuse to rest for a bit.

What he didn't notice was that he unknowingly activated one of his space-time seals as he prepared for a nap on the Hokage Chair (who could blame him, really, that chair was way too much comfortable).

* * *

When he woke up, the biggest pile of paperwork he had ever seen was waiting for him right in front of himself. Which is kind of ridiculous because he was always diligent with his work and never left it pile up that much, and he knew that only a nap-time couldn't just accumulate that much of it.

He may have to talk with his assistant after he finishes this.

* * *

One of the many, many papers piled up was a rather interesting promotion to chunin for a seemingly talented individual. On normal circumstances, he would have accepted it and be done with it, but the problem was that the ninja in question was only five years old.

Now, he had been fighting way bloodier battles than this genin when he was his age, but the whole point of the village was for such things to not happen again. So, denied. Stay genin for a few years more, grow stronger to such a degree that he wouldn't die an unfortunate death, please.

After a few more hours he felt that he needed another short nap – there was seemingly many years' worth of paperwork in there somehow.

But when he woke up again, only his always pristine and paperwork-pile-lacking desk was waiting for him. Maybe that had been a nightmare? He honestly couldn't remember the last time he had such a mediocre nightmare. Maybe the position was getting to his head.

If he was going to have nightmares, at least have some that were about some serious things, dammit.

When Sarutobi Hiruzen got back to his office from a meeting, he found his usual stack of paperwork had noticeably shrunken, and it had been organized into a much more easily comprehensible and easier to manage piles.

He wouldn't look a gifted horse in the mouth though, so he let it be. After all, the more important documents almost never were on that pile.

So, content as he hadn't felt in years, he grabbed his pipe and started smoking slowly as he tried to make his way through the oldest documents in the pile. After a while he decided to drop them all as if those were all signed.

He honestly didn't sign up for this.

* * *

"What." Deadpanned one young chunin.

His sensei chuckled and then shrugged with a slightly nervous smile.

"Seems you got demoted by a dead man" He repeated

One of the other students laughed obnoxiously loudly, basking on the other's bad luck. "HA, Bakashi! You can't act smugly and all superior now!"

The subject of the conversation, Kakashi, shot back with a "With you, I don't need to act."

Obito changed expressions rather quickly, from a delighted smile to a 110% Uchiha scowl, with extra anger.

"WHAT DID YOU SAID?"

* * *

 **A/N: Final wordcount: 666. lmao.**


End file.
